Cell Phones
by Jam.MastahXJay
Summary: Oh, cell phones. A modern thing hits the YYH gang in a humorous way. Funny little oneshots featuring You-Know-What with the YYH gang. Rated M for some 'stuff! -Not a lemon, pervs-


Don't we all love cell phones? xD

Well, I'm feeling better after a few accidents and a HUGE tragedy that happened after I came home from Mexico, so, other than typing these other fucking stories I'm trying to update, I decided to make this/these little cell phone oneshots... Kind of...

BTW, if no one gets any or all of the oneshots, I'll explain it to you in a PM. ;3

* * *

~Good Vibrations~

"Mmm... Oh yeah! YES!! That hits the spot right thurr... Oh-hoh-ho, niiiice!!" JJ and Hiei blinked and exchanged glances. Yusuke was acting strange. _Really _strange. Stranger than usual.

"Oh, yes... Yes... YES!! Oh God, that feels nice..." Yusuke trailed off.

"Umm, Yusu-" JJ tried to say, but Yusuke cut her off with his long, loud, pleasurable moan.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Yeah! OH, YEAH, BABY, YEAH!!!!" Yusuke yelled loudly, punching the air with his fist. His face was red and sweaty from his... His... Whatever it is that's making him act like he's **BLEEPING **Keiko.

"Yusuke," JJ said flatly. The spirit detective cosplayer ignored her as he laughed in a crazy, psycho way.

"Oh, this is THE LIFE!! ... Mmm..." Hiei groaned as he smacked his forehead.

"We're not getting any answers," he muttered. JJ glared at him.

"Really, Captain Obvious?" she spat out sarcastically as Yusuke groaned and began humping the air. Hiei noticed this, and his lips and nose slightly twitched. JJ looked back at Yusuke.

The cosplayer had his hands on the back of his head, his trademark perverted smirk on his face, humping the air. JJ nearly laughed.

"Oh, _I _know what's happening," she murmured, biting the inside of her cheeks. Hiei glared at her, but said nothing. He just watched in awe at his 'friend' humping the air like he was **BLEEPING **it.

After a few minutes of air-humping, Yusuke stopped, looking relieved. Just as JJ and Hiei were about to yell at Yusuke for being a perv, Keiko kicked the door open, her eyes showing rage. The group jumped at the noise, and JJ hesitantly looked back.

"Oh, you bitch!" JJ shrieked when she saw her bedroom door. She ran to the broken wood, examining the door. "Dammit Keiko, you're paying for this son of a bitch!" Keiko ignored her, advancing towards Yusuke. Hiei watched her as the girl smacked her boyfriend.

"Yusuke, why the hell haven't you been answering your phone?! I've called at least ten times!" Keiko screamed. JJ and Hiei covered their ears as Yusuke opened his mouth to say;

"Call me again."

~Who's There?~

Jin was working on a 'game' JJ had showed him how to do.

"Damn this human game, Sudoku," he muttered as he filled in another blank square of the complicated 'game'. All of a sudden, the phone rang. He stared at it before shrugging.

"Why not, Jin? It's probably Yusuke or someone..." He snatched the phone and held it to his elf-like ear. "Hello? Who's there?" There was a deep breathing, like a dog panting or someone who had just finished last in a marathon. Jin blinked, his eyes showing curiousity.

"Who's there? Hello?" More panting.

"Oh man... J-Jin..." The voice was unfamiliar to the wind demon.

"What?" the Irish cosplayer asked, starting to be suspicious.

"I... I..."

"What?" Now he was worrying. He tried to look at the caller ID, but he was cut-off with a;

"I just came." His eye visibly twitched.

"Yusuke, you perv!" He hung up immediately, his face red with embarrassment and anger. "He's so dirty, he makes _me _wanna shower... Oh, _thaaat's _where three goes..." Jin went back to his Sudoku board, filling in more squares. The phone rang again, its shrill ring hurting his ears. Jin sighed and picked up the phone again.

"What?" he said flatly, filling in another blank.

"Hi, is Ophelia there?" Jin blinked, surprised.

"H-huh?"

"Is Ophelia there?" the voice said in a nasally tone.

"Umm, Ophelia who?" Jin asked, seemingly interested.

_"JJ has so many friends and family members, I'm not surprised if there's an Ophelia in her social life," _Jin thought.

"Ophelia Hiney."

"Oh, Feel My Hiney?" Jin asked as a burst of manly giggles were heard. Jin didn't get it until he recognized the joke from a movie JJ had watched. "Unoriginal, dirty, and stupid, Yusuke!" Jin yelled, slamming the phone on the reciever.

"Next time that bastard calls, I'm giving him a piece of my mind!" Jin vowed as he went back to Sudoku. After three hours, it seemed all was well with Jin until...

RING!! RING!! RI-

Jin growled audibly as his eyes and youki flared. He grabbed the phone and, instead of putting the bastard thing to his ear, he held the talking part to his mouth.

"YOU KEEP CALLING AND CALLING!! WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?! IT'S _OVER!! _OK?! I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU CALLING, TRYING TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!! SO, GOOD BYE!!" He slammed the phone onto the reciever, pleased with himself.

"I finally told him off... Now, our friendship is over!" Jin laughed to himself. "Good!"

:Meanwhile:

"... J-Jin?" Yukina squeaked out. "I... I can't believe it... It's over, our marriage..." Yukina thought for a moment, tears welling up in her eyes. Then, she thought of something as she smirked, reminding people of her evil twin. She began to cry as she squeaked out;

"Oh Hiei??"

~Forward~

JJ looked at her cell phone, texting someone. Beeps and a ding were heard when JJ smiled to herself. She made up a small story and sent it in a forward to the one she loathes most. She laughed manically as the little message on her phone said, 'Message sent! :-)'.

_"I wonder what his reactions is? Oh, if only I knew where the asshole was..."_ she thought as she climbed a tree and took a bite out of her red apple.

:With You-Know-Who:

Hiei sat in a tree, looking relaxed.

"Oh, I'm glad there's no noise!" he said in an eerily cheerful tone.

_And then, she taught me how to cuss  
That bitch, it's over!!_

Hiei twitched.

"I spoke too soon..." He took out his cell phone from his hair. (Just act like Kurama gave him a phone and that Hiei stores things in his hair. (Seriously, that's not too hard to imagine XD))

Hiei groaned and opened his cell phone.

"The hell? 'Forward from JJ'- Aw, shit..." He pressed a few numbers on the number pads and read the message. His eye visibly twitched as he growled. Kurama walked towards Hiei's tree with Yusuke and Kuwabara.

"Hello Hiei, we heard your cell phone. What's JJ want?" Hiei screeched and threw his phone at Kurama as he jumped off the tree and disappeared. Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Kurama sweat dropped. Kurama held his head painfully.

"Ouch, what did JJ send him that made him so pissed?" Kurama thought aloud as he opened the flip phone. Kurama read the forward silently and laughed. Yusuke and Kuwabara exchanged glances, then looked at their fox cosplayer. Kurama pointed to the message.

"Listen to this forward-"

"Oh, a forward," Yusuke and Kuwabara said flatly, crossing their arms. Kurama sweat dropped and pointed at the cell phone, his eyes dropped to a glare.

"No, listen to this forward JJ sent Hiei." He cleared his throat.

"OK, here it goes. 'I once had this dream. You were in it, drowning in a river and I couldn't save you. Star-DUH-Star." Yusuke slouched as Kuwabara fought back his laughter. "Then, the Lord stood next to me and said, 'Fear not, Young One... Shit floats'."

~Booty Call~

Shishi and Yusuke were talking with each other, laughing.

"Oh, hell no! Hiei did _what _to Jin?!" Yusuke shrieked, his laughter taking over. Shishi bit his thumb, holding back his laughter.

"Hiei pink-eyed Jin's pillow. That's why Jin hasn't came out of his room. Hiei said something about 'Revenge's a bitch, ain't it?' before leaving." Shishi made a face as Yusuke looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Wonder what Jin did?"

"Yes, so do I." Shishi's cell phone rang. Shishi held up a finger as Yusuke began laughing. The blue-nette samurai answered his phone.

"Hello? ... Oh, hey Sexy." Yusuke stopped laughing and got interested in his friend's conversation. "Yeah, I know... Oh, you're making _what?_ ... Oh, yummy!" Yusuke began to think of all perverted thoughts as Shishi began talking to the person on the line.

"Yep, I know... Oh, that's my favorite!" Yusuke laughed lecherously.

"Oh, a BOOTY CALL!!" Yusuke shouted. Shishi glared at him as he nodded to the phone.

"Yep, I got it... I love you too, _Mami!_" As Shishi hung up his cell phone, Yusuke stopped laughing and eyed Shishi. The two remained silent. Yusuke then began to laugh again.

"Oh, was that your mommy?!" Yusuke taunted, holding his sides. Shishi shook his head as he smirked. He turned around and said in a seductive tone;

"No, that was your mother."

End 'Cell Phones'


End file.
